Welcome to My Royally Wrecked Space to Chill...

I hope you find comradery...I hope you find peace....I hope you find joy...I hope you find acceptance...I hope you feel loved...I hope you know that your are precious...chosen...and always welcome here...come sit a spell...

Monday, June 27, 2011

Expector Bond er....Smith

I am the queen of expectations...

I have expectations of how people will love me...how people will respond to my love...how people will think like me...understand me...be thrilled when I am thrilled...

It's been a total bummer.

Expectations are a total kill joy.

I heard once (paraphrase) that expectations are "future resentments." Another words, when I have an expectation of how someone will be my cheerleader, savior, friend, or basically...anything... I am setting myself and them up for massive resentment and failure.

I literally just watched this play out in my life. I had a situation that was very dear to me. I shared it thinking a certain response should be given (the response I would give). When the response came and it was not close to my expectation I was angry and sad. Dare I say...bitter?

After years of therapy and God talk, I knew instantly that the reaction in no way changed the awesomeness of the situation for me. I can celebrate successes all on my own with God. People don't have to get on board with me. It's a heck of a lot funner if they do, but if they don't IT IS STILL FREAKIN' AWESOME!!! :-)

At the end of the day, it's about my pride and probably acceptance issues.

I want to be cheered.

I want to be loved.

I want to be accepted.

I want my friends and relationships to be thrilled when I am.

I'm human. I have needs.

When it doesn't happen in that format, I still have to keep my heart pure. I still have to love. I still have to cheer. I still have to accept. It's not negotiable. I'm His. I don't have another option.

There lies the beauty (reoccurring theme): I'm His.

I don't have to waste days of my life (years of my life) trying to gain acceptance and a cheer squad. I already have one! He is the biggest, awesomest, most limber cheerleader in the Universe....and get this...He's my cheer captain!!!!

Jesus told us in the beatitudes (Matthew 5:5) 5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

Being content is being cool with God and who he made me to be. Sometimes...Jesus and I cheer alone. And THAT. Is OK. I am the proud owner of a really cool gift: Myself and God. 


I will always long for acceptance, love, and accolades...but now they are shifted to my Love Jesus. The rest is nice and I still have to work through immediate reactions to unfulfilled expectations...but I'm accepted. I'm loved. I'm treasured. I'm His.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMANDA!!!! (I had to...you know I had to....)

I love you Jesus :)

Grace n Peace,

A ~

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