I apologized to God...

I apologized to God. I did not "repent".

I apologized.

I realized after I said "God I want to apologize to you..."

That I indeed apologized to God...

It's been the week from hell. I've slipped more than I've trekked. I've cursed more than I've blessed. I've retreated more than I've advanced.

An apology to my lover was in order...

I've ignored him. Not on purpose. In obligations.

So...I apologized. It was a pivotal moment in my relationship with my Lover God.

As soon as the whisper escaped my lips into the darkness, I smiled. Because within my failings and flounderings this week, I realize in this moment how reliant I am on Him and how cool our "relationship" has become...

I no longer think of Him as unreachable...untouchable...I talk to him. I breathe words in my bed late at night. I confide in him with my insecurities...my prides...my accomplishments...my terrible failings...

This is good. This is pure. This is REAL.

I NEED real.

I crave real.

So...onward i crawl through the busiest year of my life...apologizing, loving, knowing and falling with my God...realizing that THIS...THIS is the point of it all...REAL life with a Savior that I do not hide from...that I do not run from like the past when I show the butt of my humanity...no...I whisper to him in the shower...in the dark bed at night...in the bathroom stall at school...

and I apologize...and He forgives me...

Grace n Peace,

A ~

Grace. I get it.

I am quite the road thinker.
Random thoughts.
Musings.
All the ponderings that tend to bubble under the surface rise on the commutes...
No business to tie them down...

"I can't get it all done." Randomly pops into my thoughts almost without me recognizing it consciously...

"No. But I can." He speaks.

I am immediately smitten with Love. Again.

For the first time I am inhabited by the realization of true Grace...
No longer am I caged to obey out of fearful pain...
I long to commune with Him because He is so beautiful...because even as I miss my dates with Him...I realize this is what He meant for me...

Grace...His perfection in love...in provision...in relationship...this is the point.
It really is true.
As I fall harder for this lover of the second chance...champion for the underdog...
I cannot stand the thought of not hearing His voice...it wrecks me...
I'm undone without it...

I'm reminded that I am minute and He is ALL.
I can't get it done. But He can.
I don't have to feel condemned about that fact. Because this...this is Grace. Real Life Grace.
His voice in the dark is what makes me want to be better...to know Him...to thrive...Not the rules or legal versions of how to make it...my affair with a perfect lover is what urges me onward towards holy days and nights...not rule keeping.

I get it. Grace.

Grace n Peace,

A ~