That was the question. I stood on the line. You know the one. The white line down the middle...the one that requires a side before you progress through your day.
I stood on the proverbial line...chewing my nails, looking side to side, knowing a choice must be made....knowing the consequences that would come if I chose badly...if I chose flesh.
Yet I did it anyway. Presumptuous.
I chose sin. I didn't fall by accident. I didn't find myself in too late. I chose to walk towards unrighteousness.
Paul Bunyan termed it "Raping the Grace of God."
What made it even more strange is while I knew I was operating in flesh...giving in to the side of me that is non-eternal...knowing a price would be paid for this choice...I felt nothing. Days earlier I had to silence my conscious to make the choice accessible and less wrenching.
Merriam-Webster defines Presumptuous as "Overstepping due bounds; taking liberties."
David was presumptuous with Bathsheba. Judas presumptuous in betrayal. Mary Magdalene was presumptuous many times with many men. Peter...three times he sinned a presumptuous sin by knowingly denying Christ. Annias and Sapphira...presumptuously sinned financially against God.
Presumptuous sin began in the Garden...with the first bite of the fruit. Eve presumpteously wanted more than perfection...humanity has never left this presumpteous sin behind.
David said in Psalm 19:12-13 "Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression."
I've marinated this passage and concept of presumpteuous sin in mind. I find it easy to spot many presumptous sins we struggle with; pornography, deception, pride, lack of discipleship, gluttony, etc. But it's the other "minute" presumptions of sin that float under my radar.
Negative thought patterns, lack of trust in God for what I need, engagement in media that promotes sin and Godless society, slothfulness, lack of prayer, lack of study in the Word, judgment, validation from other areas instead of Him...
All examples of presumpteous sins.
When I allow negative thoughts, emotions, and struggles to interfere with the truths I know about God...I knowingly decide what God has given me is not good enough and He should not be praised. Sin.
When I decide that I will focus on my plans instead of trusting God...I knowingly decide that I am God. Sin.
When I watch movies, shows, etc. that engage in lust, impure motives, and areas outlined in His word that are reproachable to Him...I decide that entertainment of the flesh is more important that pleasing my Creator. Sin.
When I entertain myself and spend my time with mind numbing activites rather than disciplining myself in prayer and study of the Word...I insinuate to God that our relationship is not priority; that His goodness is deserved and merited. Sin.
When I cast my prejudice, upbringing, assumptions, and unhealth upon other humanity in an effort to feel more accepted, loved, and adequate...I show God His children are not worth my love and acceptance; even though He loves and accepts me unconditionally. Sin.
When I run to areas that temporarily fill the void created for God...relationships, food, money, material posessions, social causes over relationship with Him, busyness, etc...I choose Idols over the Lover of my soul. Sin.
I believe after his failings David understood this; hence his cry to God "Who can understand his errors?" He knew that while we knowingly choose to sin...we sometimes don't understand it ourselves. We are on a death wish of sorts. Inately, we all have places in humanity that propel us towards idolatry and away from our Creator.
This is why relationship is so important. "Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me."
David was asking for help. He recognized that in his humanity he would choose to override righteousness and would need strong relationship with God to help him say NO.
How comforting to know that it is not in the meditation upon sins and the journey towards them that we fail...but in the moment where we have stepped out of relationship with the creator and not asked for cleansing and the help to say...NO.
Dominion occurs when we fail to commune with His all encompassing, wise love for us. He is the only reality that dispels and combats presumptuous sinful natures. He is light. He is love. He is stronger.
Grace n Peace,