I listen to my music...
I ponder losses and fight back tears...I scold myself for feeling this way when I have SO much...but I can't shake it...
It hurts. Sometimes I just want a partner. A person that is mine. Someone to touch me that is not under the age of 10.
Most days...I'm centered and remember my former blog post "I. Am. His."
But on days like this...as I drive away from my dearest people that I used to "live out life" with....I cannot center...I cannot fight the sadness...
I'm aware in these moments of my own fallibilty. I'm aware that my wandering soul causes me to search elsewhere even when I've found the deepest love in Him. I'm aware that I'm human. That longings consume me just like the rest of humanity and sometimes...I cannot fight them off as strongly as I would like...fallible...It's humbling...It's unsettling...It's the point.
It floods me afresh...I cannot do this alone...I need Him. Every moment. To save me. To heal me. To complete me.
The pain does not go away. The loneliness does not settle and erase itself. But I know at some point it will. Because I know Him.
He loves me.
With my fallible self.
He loves me.
He will help me. He will get me through. He will sustain me through loneliness to the finishing of the process. He will hold me.
Till then...I'll be human. I'll trust. I'll wait. I'll look at the ocean. :-)
Grace n Peace,