Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I abhor complicated situations. I avoid relationships, friendships, acquaintances that require detailed road maps to maintain. I have a pixie cut simply because I HATE spending an hour on my hair when there is so much sunshine in the world. I am confrontational if the situation warrants it and is a biggie...but if you just wore some pants that are obviously the incorrect size...don't look to me to correct your faux pas. I mean, come on folks, my personality test was 66% "feelings"...I love everyone!
I revel in the small stuff and admittedly probably sometimes judge those who don't get that...(thank God for grace). So imagine my surprise when my heart got pounded this weekend by a "small" thought.
Here's how it went down:
I took my car to have maintenance work completed, washed, and rotated tires. It THRILLED my little heart.
I texted my dad and said "My car drives like it's brand new!"
He replied "I'm so glad baby!"
To which I replied "It's the little things."
He replied "The little things become big things when you don't have them."
And there it is.
That one simple line has completely wrecked my heart for a week.
I...who revel in grass, trees, and Goodwill finds...wrecked by small.
I think of people around the world who don't have clean water...children dying from diarrhea when I have an abundance of Imodium in my medical cart...children in my state that only eat at school when my kids are wolfing down Petit Jean bacon. Small things to me. Monumental to them.
I think of my friends that love me exactly as I am...nourishing...constant...sustaining. What about the sweet residents I care for that have no visitors? No one to listen. No one to sit and converse with about the daily happenings. Small to me. Quite large to them.
I think of my amazing brother. My brother and my friend. Sober for 14 months after 16 years. My friend. My confidant that has come back from the brink and found God and us...You can't know what our relationship means to me after I had lost for so long. Then there are the other addicts...struggling still...dying inside...wanting more but not able to grasp it. Easy to me. Quite overwhelming to them.
I think of a dear woman that desperately wants a child. Yearns for a baby to coo to and wrap in her arms. Heart heavy and longing...and I a few miles away look at my beautiful loves and rush them out the door to school whispering quick prayers "to shine the light" and go on to the next detail. Routine to me. Heaven to her.
I have been praying that God would help me stay aware of my "small" mercies...blessings...wonders. May I never take them for granted, though I know I do. I'm also praying for new eyes to see others "small things". I'm taking time to touch every patient, kneel down look in their eyes and hear their stories. Hug them. Love them. Remember that they are His. I'm taking time to stop and stay still when I have a chance so He might speak into my soul and whisper the small...and I might receive it with full gratitude. Because He does not have to speak...He does not have to bless...He does not have to love me...Yet he does...In the biggest small ways. I want to honor that in every way.
Small potatoes. Big ripples.
May you think small today...
Grace n Peace,