Retinas and Peace

Sun gazers. I watched a documentary on: Sun gazers.

Sun gazers are a group of really dedicated individuals that stare into the sun in the hopes of finding peace, tranquility, and appetite control. No seriously. Appetite control.

I watched these people stand barefoot across America and stare into the sun in what seemed to be a very Zen like state waiting for their peace. I have to admit I was captivated. At the end of the documentary, the young man filming went to have his eyes examined after a few months of sun gazing.

He had permanently damaged his retinas.

I turned to my father and said (yes I know...cliche') "People are desperate for deeper meaning and peace."

There have been times in my life where I'm pretty sure I might have tried Sun gazing if it would have given me peace. I think we've all had those times.

You want relief. You've tried everything to calm the storm and...well...IT AIN'T WORKIN'!

I'm reading Hebrews right now. VERY. SLOWLY.  Hebrew's requires digesting...thought...pondering...GOOGLING...

I'm trying to reap truths out of it one verse slowly at a time...

Tonight I was reading in chapter 12 and the subject of peace arose...I read it. I re-read it. I read it thrice.

"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord."


OK...hold up...did He say that I will not see the Lord if I do not live in peace? Really?

(Yeah holiness too but the purpose of this blog is peace)

Then as I'm typing it hits me...OK so I MUST live peaceable with all people...OK I generally do that...I love all types...I think I've got that down...

But wait...aren't I a "people"?

Does it mean that if I am not peaceable with myself that I will not see my Lord? Out there I know...

But let's talk straight...Don't we really war with ourselves more than we war with others most of the time?

How about this scenario of the mind: You can't do that. You're used up. You're damaged. You've got nothing left to offer.

Or this one: You're stuck. Utterly stuck. This place you're in today...man you'll always be RIGHT HERE.

Maybe you roll this way: I don't need to surrender. If I can predict this situation by ruminating on every possible outcome I can control the events of my life.


Anything connect? I hope you are much more evolved than I am. I hope you never war with yourself.

But if you do...maybe God wanted us to know that if we war with ourselves...if we are not at peace with ourselves...if we attack ourselves...We are against Him.

Because He is IN us.

I'm a big believer in surrender. I just have found for me...it's truly the only way. When my days of wonderment and pondering of all things futuristic and question-marked come...I've learned to surrender.

I don't have to fill in the blanks. I don't have to make everyone happy. I don't have to solve every problem.

I do have to live in peace.

If He is in me...peace is in me.

If I am at war...I'm replacing Him with an idol of self-reliance.

It doesn't take me very long any more to surrender quickly...I'd rather spend my days chasin' dreams and the perfect tree than trying to solve where I'll be in 10 years. It's all good. He's got me.

He's IN me.

I wish I had the digits to those poor people burning up their retinas in search of peace...I think I could save them spotty vision and frustration...

Grace n Peace,

A ~