Welcome to My Royally Wrecked Space to Chill...



I hope you find comradery...I hope you find peace....I hope you find joy...I hope you find acceptance...I hope you feel loved...I hope you know that your are precious...chosen...and always welcome here...come sit a spell...

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Survive first. Thrive last.

I'm a recovering worrier...

I spent my twenties fretting. Worried sick. Pale from inner distress.(OK...I'm really just pale naturally but that's beside the point.)

Then I went through a terrible divorce.

Twice.

Voila! I quit worrying...

I know it sounds completely absurd. Funny even. Yet...it truly happened.

When I was going through my second divorce, I physically felt the burden of worry separate itself from me.

I pondered this phenom happening for quite some time...wondering why going trudging through a completely terrible ordeal would free me from such a burden...from such a pathology...

Obviously, God set me free. In the strangest of ways...

So deeply ashamed...my worst fears had happened to me. To my children. I was mortified...deflated... Then His wonderment struck me...

Hurdled over the heart by this singular realization: All I ever feared would killed me...should it happen...did...

And...

I was ALIVE.

I was ALIVE. I was FREE. Saved...

I had not been destroyed.

My children showed resilience.

We were swaddled in peace and spiritual prosperity.

Earthly despondence and failures could not shake the rock solid love we felt in our hearts. Nothing could or can.

Since that period in my life I've undergone massive changes on every level of my living...changes I thought I could never thrive underneath.

Yet I find myself completely unshaken. Completely in Shalom.

He keeps my heart in perfect peace...

I find myself stressed...exhausted...stretched...but shaken? Never.

I walk in wonderment in the small...gratefulness for the minimal...and absolute grace from my God, my family, my children, and myself.

If you're knee deep in worry today, take a moment. Ask yourself this: If this *insert situation, relationship, failing* happens, will I die? Will I be without ANY hope?

I know you might be thinking: YES! It will kill me!

It won't. I know people that have gone through horrific incidences that, though limping...they are still walking through life with wonderment.

What we think today will kill us...usually tomorrow makes perfect sense.

Six years later after a divorce, I am free of angst towards the situation. Six years ago, I felt I'd never recover. I had massive worries that started something like "If THAT happens (he moves on, etc.) I don't know what I'll do."

All those massive worries...came true...

Guess what? I survived. THEN I thrived.

You survive first. Thrive last.

You don't get the lessons without the revelation of teaching.

And there is this mindset that if you are thriving...you have enough money, you have no conflicts, you are getting plenty of rest, there are no worries present...NOPE.

It is completely possible to thrive in life amazement while exhausted, broke, nursing an emotional wound, and not knowing what the future holds...

The key to thriving in amazement of life: CHOOSE to be amazed and astounded and the deepest blessings of aliveness from God NO MATTER WHAT. Notice what is good around you...no matter how small...realize that everything...EVERYTHING is a pure, undeserved, glorious gift.

Then...rest.

Ask God to show you that you will survive.

Believe you will...sit back...

Be in wonderment of the obvious...

Sunshine...

Your children's laughter...

Those who love and help you unconditionally...

Then...get ready to THRIVE!

Grace n Peace,

A ~

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Small Kind.

We stood in the wind and he pumped my gas. Divorce final a day before...we didn't have the words. "Baby...I can't take the hurt away...but I can fill up your tank." I didn't need the gas...but that simple act from my Daddy still stands out in my mind. I felt less alone...

I my patient on the floor of his room...he is undone. Blood oozes from the gash on his head. I help him to the wheelchair...He is all flail and none steady. Later as I set his meal before him he begins to weep...I rub his back and tell him not to worry...we all fall sometimes...It's ok...It's OK...
He eats his Alfredo with his hands trying to maintain some shred of decorum and pride...then sleeps peacefully.

She stands on the potty to avoid the germs in her classroom bathroom like I taught her...somehow she does not maneuver just right and ends up wet. Humiliated. She goes to the school nurse who says "Oh my! I've done the same thing!" She lights up as she tells me the story...grateful to not be alone in her predicament.

Small. Kindness.

I find it matters more to me and others than the giant generosities. I continue through my hazed fatigue to try to find ways to be small kind...
Generous kind...
I thank Him for the times I am the receiver of such small mercies...
They sustain the human soul...
Buoy...
Ignite the belief that life is good...

Grace n Peace,

A ~

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Everything...(*warning might have some typos..a bit punchdrunk from sleep deprivation)

I'm reading this book called "Anything: The prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul" by Jennie Allen.

It's like a soul sister to "Radical" by David Platt.

I lay in bed last night after a long shift...and prayed..."Anything God...no wait...EVERYTHING God...
"
I'm afraid to leave anything out.

To withhold any pieces...

This year has brought a new perspective to my life viewing...it's all eternal...what could be considered trouble or trial...pales...and if I allow this thinking to pervade my selfish, humanistic mind I can appropriately place perspective on...well...EVERYTHING...

Everything feels as though it might turn out very very different for me...
I'm adventurous...when I pray everything...I envision Kenya...I envision the ends of the earth...and love it...

But for now...it looks like He is saying...YOUR everything...is right here...in Conway, AR...fleshing it out for my glory to two little girls...to others...worshipping me EVERYWHERE...

Admittedly, this is contrary to my radical mind...I think everything means extravangant tales of indigenous peoples saved to a loving powerful God...and it might...

But it also means living out love every day...in the laundry...on the job...at school...in the parent teacher conferences...in the...mundane...

It's quite radical...at least for me...
I know others would breathe sighs of relief for this seasonal calling...but it's been a challenge for my red headed personality and heart...

However, I find God sanctifying me through the mundane...the repriprocity of kindness in the small...the reconciliation to the simple...

I also find that when we pray everything...it probably looks vastly different than our idea of everything...
He knows what I need...

I find eternity based daily living so freeing...I don't fret...I'm completely at peace...

No funds? Have to work 16 hour shifts? No worries...this is momentary...

No idea about the next step? No worries...He will illuminate the footing in His time...

No strength? His is incredibly perfect...

Eternity...what a consolation to no longer live for me...Everything...

Everything...

Everything...

Grace n Peace,
A ~