“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?" Matthew 6:30-33
I've read this passage many many times. One of my favorites...something new always speaks to me.
Today's was a doozy.
"-most of which are never seen."
I remember being 24, married into an religiously influential family, and crafting myself to be "one of them". It was all out of good intention. I wanted to know God. I wanted what they seemed to have. I emulated, changed, stretched, but most of all...desired to be seen. Noticed. Given my share.
Looking back, I see how hard I strived. How hard I wrestled with who I really was with who I thought I needed to be. No one asked it of me. I asked it of myself because I was caught in the trap of desiring identity.
Fast forward 14 years, two divorces later, many good good times, many bad bad times...I get it. Those accolades I desired did come...but they came within my home. In the form of handwritten notes scratched out on construction paper from little girls who lived in the trenches with me. They came in the guise of text messages from my Daddy and Momma randomly saying "You rock. We get you. We're proud." They came in the guise of other women who contacted me in secret saying "I'm lost. I don't know where to step. How did you do it?"
I found these words and gestures kind, uplifting, generous even...but I did not allow them to give me identity (except for those construction paper ones...) I found my identity in the moments where it was silent. Just me. Just Him. There were no cheerleaders. There were no "good jobs". These moments where I sat...being still...and being flooded with "you are loved, you are loved, here is your identity."
Identity handed to me in the form of nail scarred hands, difficulties, sunlit days, dark nights, calm in the midst of storms, power in the midst of weakness, joy in the midst of mourning, love in the midst of aloneness.
I couldn't ask for a greater identity.
This is what Jesus was saying in this passage. We fret and worry and try to create ourselves into great people with great things to say...all the while...the Kingdom of God says "What makes you who are is like the wildflower...beautiful...wild...free to grow anywhere under any conditions...WHERE NO ONE MIGHT INHABIT OR NOTICE YOU. Yet you are beautiful."
The greatness of this identity is this: No matter where I am. No matter what field I'm growing in. No matter if it's in the midst of the most beautiful place where others walk by and say "Look at that! How gorgeous is that one?" or in the field that no one even knows exists...I'm still serving a purpose. I'm still at peace. Loved. Cherished. FULL.
I can't describe it until you find it...and you will.
When you do...don't sell it out for the other side. Stick with the field you meant to bloom in. Whether or not you ever hear a word about the beautiful flower you are...stay present where you're placed and enjoy the sunshine. It's an infinitely better life than the one you've been chasing. I promise you.
Grace n Peace,