Sun and Moon

It's dark in the car...I turn on the music and lean in...

If you are the sun
then I wanna be the moon
I wanna reflect the light that shines from you
And if this is war
Then I'm gonna draw my sword
This time I know what I am fighting for...
I become undone...not the messy, unstoppable undone...this is quiet...deep...impenatrable... I reflect on the blood I carried yesterday in my hands...eager to be transfused to a waiting body in need...gelatinous...life sustaining...blood...

I breath the thought...not even the words...

"I don't like my blood Father...I want your blood..."

Transfuse me.

Sun and Moon play again...

"God I wanna let you know
I want everything you are
I'm waiting for the morning light to show
a fire in the dark."

I knew my Christianity would ebb and flow...change...I didn't realize how much I would...

I didn't realize that sometimes it would be...hard...a force to be reckoned with...this thing called life...
I wasn't prepared for the attacks...

"And if this is war
Then I'm gonna draw my sword
This time I know what I am fighting for..."

Time has told the tale...there is a reason the focal point of our faith is the cross...the messy...disparaging...flesh ripping cross...

How could I ever think that if the Savior that lost it all for me in such a messy, embarrassing, non-defended way could require anything less?

"If love is a choice
Then I need you to hear my voice
I'm the one knocking on your door making all this noise
Whatever it takes
I give it all away
I wanna show my love in a thousand ways."

Yet...somehow...through the constant transfusions...it is a life like no other...markedly different than those walking about with deep pallor and visible deficiencies...in need of the gelatinous blood type that only He donates...

Those transfused with His blood though at times weak from the ailment of humanity that they cannot avoid...seem...well...colored...peaceful...able to carry on...even joyful...

I speak it this time...if only a whisper...

"Transfuse me today...the humanity that runs through my veins has become so sludged...I don't want any blockages that keep my heart from beating for you...Transfuse you...medicate me with your word...remove the blockages...I'm the one...it's my voice...my thought voice making all this noise..whatever it takes...I give myself away..."

"Shine your light, I wanna feel you now
God I need a miracle
Take my heart, make it glow
Shine your light from the inside out
I wanna be more like you
If you are the sun, I wanna be the moon."

I press repeat...

Grace n Peace,

A ~

*Thanks to Phil Wickham for "Sun and Moon" not just today but all the days I lean into it...