Living Led...

I drive tired...yet it all feels worth it. Nights away from the babes...squeals of joy as I come in the door...lunches together at school on off days...it all seems very very worth it.
I learned a long time ago from my Father that life must be led...with a stiff upper lip...and I did this for a while...incorrectly...all angst and black and white...full of answers to questions I had not lived...

Now...I know how to live life led...but it's so different than what I had originally conjured in my inexperienced mind...

Led life must be gentle...accepting...born through hard work and experiences...sometimes broken...

Led life requires laying my heart on the throne while driving to work at 5:00 am...gasping at my own thoughts and desires...gently leading my beating mass away from angst and "rights"...to a place of peaceful acceptance of His gloriousness in my life...

Led life...it's a whisper...a gentle tapping in the dark as I drift off...it's examining my baby girl's hand and making mental pictures...praying for what they will one day touch...

Led life conquers me through presence...It's the only way to remain empty of myself...and I often fail it...

Led life requires conscious choices again and again...to choose wisely for the eternal...what will last...I sometimes want out...

But then I am drawn again to the tree...hewn and made rough into a cross...that my lover died upon so I might be present...that I might smile at a stricken family in the hospital....that I might caress my child in times of heartache...that I might deposit into the hurt world ever so gently...one smile...one accepting love...one nurturing moment at a time...

I'm drawn again to run my hand against the splinters that tore His life asunder on this cross...and gave me mine...

I am led...

Nail scarred hands...I am led...deep and quietly...to accept that I am in a passageway to the eternal...forever depositing or removing from this life...and what to deposit or remove?

Delight or dilema?


Acceptance or fear?


Joy or hatred?


Praise or blame?


Meekness or spirited words that injure?

All can be deposited or removed by my minute walk through the passageway...

Undone by these moments and choices...I am led to Him again and again...to choose love that knows no bounds...to choose peace that literally transforms....

Led to delight in what others find mundane and attainable...I am undone...

Forever searching...forever striving for pieces of the eternal on the planet of the temporary...I am undone...

He leads me...I follow...gently as I learn more and more how to be led in the passageway...

Tree rough and bloody always in my sight...as I tread the passageway to eternity determined to step lightly yet leave my footprint...

I live led.

Grace n Peace,

A ~